Pumpkin Spice Latte and the new Ani CD, 8:30 am. good.

Happy Birthday

Abi (22 months old) insists on being sung "Happy Birthday Ava" before every nap and before bedtime.

Who is the boss anyways?

It is time to be proactive, enough of this letting the toddler control the adults... As a reminder to myself I need to provide some educational tools and learning experiences for her but also for myself. Otherwise I will not grow and I will become resentful. 

Lattes help a lot

And I don't care how fattening they are because they are medicine to me. My goals are to take care of the girls and feel good. I am taking care of the girls but do not feel so great. Need to loose 15 lbs, get a better hair cut and most importantly get more sleep because I now have wrinkles under my eyes... not very attractive. I also need more hours to myself where I am not in front of the washing machine or the dishwasher, because those times are not times to myself. More time with books and music and running. I am going to research how to train for a small triathalon. First, the things I can control, getting in shape and a new haircut, then back into my old clothes which will probably feel new by the time I can fit into them...

and work on the sleep thing which is out of my control and in the hands of a little munchkin who has been breathing for only 3 months...

I remember every day

I will always be awake at those stamps in time wondering if there was something I could have done differently, wondering if they were in any pain, three years later and sleepless nights that digital light keeps clicking like it is winking, at me, saying I am still here, and I still can't believe that time keeps moving and I can't see it except for the clock, the damn fucking clock.