7/24/08
these 2 minutes i thought i had are not going to be enough. abi is playing by herself in the playroom but harper who hasn't slept all day will not nap today, and i can't possibly start this, there she goes again. i don't know what to do with her. so now abi is eating and i got harper to sleep in her swing. so i can see if i can manage to sit at the kitchen counter feed abi avacado and chicken and write in this before my battery dies. i wasn't the mother i want to be to abi today. that lasted 30 seconds. she asked me to hold her just as i typed the words "i wasn't the mother i wanted to be to abi today" so i had to pick her up. still have some battery left. put pacifier in harper's mouth again. took bite of abi's chicken. a friend asked me what do i eat and i realized i eat what i feed abi which is good cuz it is healthy but never enough especially if you are nursing which makes me twice as hungry as what i think a normal person should feel and three times more hungry than i ever was being pregnant.

so here are some thoughts on my second time around caring for a newborn, this time i have a 20 month along for the ride.

it has been raining all day and my second daughter was diagnosed with acid reflux today, he said it can run in families. abi and harper, the sweet loves of my life, both in pain as infants with that god damned acid. makes me feel as though i am hurting them every time i feed them.

gotta figure out a way to meet the needs of a 20 month old and a 5 week old at the same time. gotta find a way to find time to document this while it happens.